From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Randomize
