I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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