What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
