You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Randomize