if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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