A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
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