bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
how do flat chested girls get laid?
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Randomize
