I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
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