how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
