How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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