Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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