my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
