coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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