Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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