it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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