My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
