I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Randomize
