I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
