so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
You took a bar mat shot.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
