"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Randomize
