Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
He called his prostate his "boner button".
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
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