somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
