A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
