My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
