your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
a search helicopter?!
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
