Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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