I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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