Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Just invented taco cereal.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Randomize
