quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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