not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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