who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
