I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
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