I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
he puts the penis in happiness.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
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