After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
How's work?
Spinning.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Randomize
