Who wears a wallet chain?!
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize