Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Of course I have a pirate flag
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Randomize
