You made me cry and you don't even care
And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Randomize
