trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
