the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
