Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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