i think my tv is drunk
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
