I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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