My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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