just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
how drunk are you?
Several
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Randomize
