Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
