Joe is yelling at the trees again.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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