she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
