I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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