you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
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