i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Pooping to opera.
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