u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Randomize
