Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
