Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
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