im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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