This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
