I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
