then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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