last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
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