Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize