I feel like I'm in dance class right now
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Randomize
