is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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