woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
We're too hungover to prance.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
