Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I'm like, not good at living.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Randomize
