where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Randomize
