it was like eating out sand paper
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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