we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
