p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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