I think scott just propositioned me for sex
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
You need a sexual gate keeper
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Randomize
