i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
