cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
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