You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
