Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
