I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize