Buhtt sex?
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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