my phone needs a breathalizer
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Randomize
