I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
lets start a swedish sibling band together
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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