Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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