Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
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