So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize