i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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