my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
