If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Randomize
