She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Barsexuality is the new black.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
