I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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