I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
What changed your mind?
Being sober
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
