He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Randomize
