i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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