I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
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