omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
