Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
