Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
