Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
