i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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