Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
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