Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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