Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
