What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I fill condoms, not promises.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
