I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
