i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
