You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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