May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
