sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
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