I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
