Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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