Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
