Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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