i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
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