3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
