You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
