She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
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