you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Randomize
