I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
