the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
