Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Randomize
