How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
