Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
