i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
